Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
