I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
