youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
