Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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