I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
one might say we're banned from that church
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
