I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
