What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize