My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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