im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
