There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Of course I have a pirate flag
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
