they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
