Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
