Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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