Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
