Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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