The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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