I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I touched a dick in church today
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
