So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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