We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
