i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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