Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So gin and wine won't be happening again
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
