Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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