Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
