What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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