You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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