It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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