i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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