Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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