If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize