then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
