Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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