you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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