watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
