Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
