its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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