all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
