Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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