Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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