whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
