the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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