Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
