That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
