this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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