i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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