literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
