where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
