Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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