i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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