She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
