In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
