I seem to have left my pride at pride
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
