Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
