its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
