So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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