Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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