just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
