can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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