cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
