my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
