I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
