So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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