Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
