Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
