Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
