You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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