I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
