so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
