my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
