I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
