My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
